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John Kim and Vanessa Bennett on How to Find Love That Lasts

Today on Passion Struck, I interview family therapists John Kim and Vanessa Bennett, who reveal the honest truth about why it’s so hard to find love and the keys to creating a lasting relationship. We discuss their new book: It’s Not Me, It’s You: Break the Blame Cycle. Relationship Better.

Purchase It’s Not Me, It’s You: (Amazon Link)

John Kim and Vanessa Bennett examine their own relationships in order to assist listeners in overcoming the frequent and annoying obstacles that stand in the way of fulfilling, happy and satisfying relationships.

I started to see beauty in our differences that produced relationship glue, that it’s a daily process. And some days, it’s hard. Some days, it’s easier. It’s finding beauty in the contrast.

John Kim

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Listen to the episode on Apple PodcastsSpotifyPodcast Addict, Pocket CastsStitcherCastboxGoogle PodcastsListen NotesAmazon Music, or on your favorite podcast platform. You can watch the interview on YouTube below.


In This Episode, John Kim and Vanessa Bennett Discuss their new Book It’s Not Met, It’s You and the Keys to Finding Love that Lasts.

After years of failed relationships, John and Vanessa have learned some hard lessons about love. In this candid interview, they share the secrets to finding love that has helped them in the past and can help you too. Don’t despair; love is out there. John and Vanessa share their insights about love and how to find it. They provide tips and advice on how to break free and find intentional love. Implementing these tips may not be easy, but it may just be the key to a successful relationship future! Learn about the challenges and triumphs of their love stories, and discover how you can overcome your own personal obstacles to a happy and fulfilling relationship. 

If you’re feeling trapped in a relationship, it can be difficult to open up and explore new options. This episode provides advice from John Kim and Vanessa Bennett, who have experience working with clients who are struggling to break free from a relationship box.

We cover a range of subjects, such as:

  • How to build proactive, long-lasting relationships.
  • The obstacles that stand in the way of relationship development and upkeep.
  • The steps couples can take individually and jointly to overcome relationship hurdles.
  • Why roots don’t sprout from wishful thinking; they grow in the soil of dialogue, inquiry, patience, and understanding.
  • The surprising truth is that falling in love is more about you than your partner.
  • The key questions to ask your partner before moving in together or getting married.
  • Have any questions, comments, or stories you’d like to share? Drop us a line at [email protected]m!
  • And much more…
230 | How to Find Love That Lasts | John Kim and Vanessa Bennett | Passion Struck with John R. Miles

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Vanessa Bennett quote from the passion struck podcast on finding love that lasts

New to the show? These Starter Packs are collections of our most popular episodes grouped by topic, and we now have them also on Spotify. You can also browse starter packs for existing listeners to find your old favorites. Every week, John interviews everyday heroes from all walks of life. Learn how to subscribe to the show and never miss a new episode and topic.

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More From My Interview With John Kim and Vanessa on how to find Love that Lasts

It's Not You, It's Me by John Kim and Vanessa Bennett for passion struck podcast book list

During our interview, I was John Kim and Vanessa Bennett about what creates a healthy, lasting relationship.

John explains, “I think first, and this is what many people eyes or don’t realize, because we put so much weight on chemistry and attraction, right? And then that tends to lead us towards decisions. There has to be a foundation of soil meaning people have to have the ability to create a safe space. As they say, people have to have the ability to look inward to take ownership, right?

If you don’t have people doing this, the relationship can be very surfacey but also very finger-pointing and blaming. Those turn into patterns, and then eventually, over time, the plane goes down. Yeah, so without that safe foundation without the ability to take care of your own shit and have hard conversations. I don’t think you can build a relationship.

Vanessa continues, “Yes, safety, and I think all that is safety, right? It’s like one has to feel safe to express things to be heard to fight because you’re going to fight then on top of that. Obviously, the communication skills to even fight, which we’re not usually taught most of us don’t come out of our household growing up knowing how to fight. Some do but very few fairly. And so safety and communication, I think, go hand in hand.”

Thanks, John Kim and Vanessa Bennett

If you enjoyed this interview with John Kim and Vanessa Bennett, let them know by clicking on the link below and sending them a quick shout on Instgram:

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Click here to let John R. Miles know about your number one takeaway from this episode!

And if you want us to answer your questions or you have a topic you would like John to discuss on one of our upcoming weekly Momentum Friday episodes, drop us a line at [email protected].

Resources From The Show With John Kim and Vanessa Bennett

Please note that some of the links on this page (books, movies, music, etc.) lead to affiliate programs for which The Passion Struck podcast receives compensation. It’s just one of the ways we keep the lights on around here. Thank you so much for being so supportive!

John Kim’s website:

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Vanessa Bennett’s website:

Vanessa’s Facebook:

Vanessa’s Instagram:

Cheaper than Therapy:

My solo episode on what it means to be a person of courage:

My interview with Seth Godin on why we need systems to change to save the planet and address climate change:

My interview with Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman and Dr. Jordan Feingold on Choosing Growth and transcending self-doubt, fear, and anxiety:

My interview with NYU Stern School of Business Professor Scott Galloway on Why America is Adrift:

My solo episode on why micro choices matter:

About Today’s Guests, John Kim and Vanessa Bennett

Passion Struck with John R. Miles album cover episode 230 with John Kim and Vanessa Bennett

John Kim is a licensed therapist, life coach, Best Selling Author, and host of the Angry Therapist’s Podcast. John Kim, LMFT, is also known as The Angry Therapist — a published writer, speaker, life coach, and co-founder of The TAT Lab and Lumia–Life Coach Training and Community. John Kim is the author of best sellers I Used To Be A Miserable F*ck and Single. On Purpose.

Vanessa Bennett is a holistic psychotherapist as well as a codependency expert. She co-hosts the Cheaper Than Therapy podcast.

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John R. Miles is a serial entrepreneur and the CEO and founder of Passion Struck. This full-service media company helps people live intentionally by creating best-in-class educational and entertainment content. John is also a prolific public speaker, venture capitalist, and author named to the ComputerWorld Top 100 IT Leaders.

John is the host of the PassionStruckPodcast. The show focused on exploring the mindset and philosophy of the world’s most inspiring people to learn their lessons to living intentionally. Passion Struck aspires to speak to the humanity of people in a way that makes them want to live better, be better and impact.

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