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Dr. Abby Medcalf on Creating a Happy and Fulfilled Relationship

Want to create a happy, connected, and fulfilled relationship?  Dr. Abby Medcalf provides straightforward, actionable strategies and tools that you can use today to make your relationships their best (including your relationship with yourself)! 

Dr. Abby Medcalf is a relationship maven, psychologist, author, and TEDx speaker who has helped thousands of people alter their mindset to create connection, comfort, and enjoyment in their relationships! Abby is the host of the top-rated “Relationships Made Easy” Podcast and author of the #1 Amazon best-selling book, “Be Happily Married, Even if Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing.” 

-► Purchase Be Happily Married Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: (Amazon link)

I always say don’t SAC your relationships. Don’t offer suggestions, give advice or criticize ever. The kinds of questions you want to ask are collaborative questions.

Dr. Abby Medcalf

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What I Discuss With Dr. Abby Medcalf About Creating a Happy and Fulfilled Relationship

Abby Medcalf and I spent an hour discussing what really makes people happy. It’s our relationships at the end of the day, that’s the thing, no matter what else. So why aren’t they taking front and center all the time? The problem is that we make choices where other things become more important. We discuss how to break through this by using her 10 relationship keys.

  • How she overcame heroin addiction and became an addiction counselor for over 30 years
  • How that work inspired her passion to focus on relationships.
  • The number one reason why relationships fail.  
  • Why is it so important not to play the victim or blame card?
  • Why being in a happy relationship is not about time but the mind.
  • The importance of intentionality in relationships.
  • The importance of self-awareness in building a deep connection.
  • Why is any successful relationship built on kindness?
  • The importance of forgiveness in a lasting relationship.
  • Have any questions, comments, or stories you’d like to share? Drop us a line at [email protected]m!
  • And much more…
183 | Creating a Fulfilled and Happy Relationship | Dr. Abby Medcalf | Passion Struck with John R. Miles
183 | Creating a Fulfilled and Happy Relationship | Dr. Abby Medcalf | Passion Struck with John R. Miles

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This episode of Passion Struck with John R. Miles is brought to you by Dry Farm Wines, which Have No Chemical Additives for Aroma, Color, Flavor, or Texture Enhancement. Dry Farm Wines – The Only Natural Wine Club That Goes Above and Beyond Industry Standards. For Passion Struck listeners: Dry Farm Wines offers an extra bottle in your first box for a penny (because it’s alcohol, it can’t be free). See all the details and collect your wine at

Starter Packs

Dr. Abby Medcalf Quote from the Passion Struck Podcast: No love relationship has ever been made better by fear.

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More From My Interview With Dr. Abby Medcalf on Why Relationships Fail.

During our interview, I told Abby that I would have thought the biggest reason relationships fail was because of fighting over expenses, fighting over intimacy, fighting over the kids, or other things. It turns out it is none of those things. I asked her what the #1 reason relationships fail is.

Be Happily Married Even If Your Partner Won't Do a Thing by Abby Medcalf for Passion Struck podcast book list

Abby Medcalf explains, “It is those things, but it’s secondary. The problem is that it’s sort of the second floor of the house, so people are focused on the foundation’s no good. So things kind of fall apart. But the number one thing people come into my office and say to me is communication is the number one problem in our relationship. We’re not communicating well; we don’t communicate well.

So we’re not communicating about money or parenting, all the things, right? But what’s under that is this subtle, or not-so-subtle competition. That is why relationships fail because we compete with our partners. We compete for resources for time. Time is a big one, money and other kinds of resources. And we keep score, right? That’s the competition part. We keep score.

So we’re always looking to our partners and thinking, Well, what am I doing and what are they doing? We keep this sort of mental tally. And a lot of times, someone might say to us, if my husband was to come to me and say,’ hey, I’m feeling neglected lately.’ Our answer should be Wow. Tell me more about that. Wow, I feel so sorry that you feel that way. Let’s talk about it. But what our answer normally is, ‘is what do you mean, you feel neglected?’ I did this, this, this, and this.

And we start listing all the things we did, which because there is there’s this subtle kind of competition, there’s this keeping score, well, how could you feel that way? When I’ve done all these things, or we say things like it’s your turn to put away the dishes, that’s my favorite. It’s your turn to do this. It’s your turn to bring Sophie to baseball practice because I brought jack to piano the other day, we do all this, and it’s keeping score. That’s all it is.

And if I’m keeping score with you, it means I want to win that I want to win. Of course, I do. If I compete with you, I want to win, which means I want you to lose.”

Thanks, Abby Medcalf!

If you enjoyed this interview with Abby Medcalf, let her know by clicking on the link below and sending her a quick shout on Instagram or Twitter:

Click here to thank Abby Medcalf on Instagram!

Click here to thank Abby Medcalf on Twitter!

Click here to let John R. Miles know about your number one takeaway from this episode!

And if you want us to answer your questions or you have a topic you would like John to discuss on one of our upcoming weekly Momentum Friday episodes, drop us a line at [email protected].

Resources From The Show With Dr. Abby Medcalf

Please note that some of the links on this page (books, movies, music, etc.) lead to affiliate programs for which The Passion Struck podcast receives compensation. It’s just one of the ways we keep the lights on around here. Thank you so much for being so supportive!

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Show Links

* Abby Medcalf’s Top Five Rules for Couples Who Work Together:

* Abby’s advice on How Do You Start Your Day Off Right?

* Abby’s Advice on The Importance of Awe:

* My solo episode on why loneliness is killing us and 9 ways to overcome it:

* My interview with Dr. Rubin Koddham on the importance of holistic mental healthcare:

* My interview with Brad Yates on EFT Tapping Into your Best Self:

* My interview with Dr. Ayelet Fishbach on how you get things are done through the science of motivation: 

* My interview with Dr. Katy Milkman on the behavior science behind how we change: 

* My solo episode on why micro choices matter:

* My solo episode on why you must feel to heal:

About Today’s Guest Dr. Abby Medcalf

Passion Struck Podcast episode 183 featuring Dr. Abby Medcalf

Dr. Abby Medcalf is a relationship expert, author, motivational speaker, and thought leader. Through her books and programs, she helps thousands of people create connection, happiness, and fulfillment in their relationships (both work and personal).

Abby is known for her straight-talking, science-based approach. As a self-proclaimed “research junkie” and Ph.D., Abby combines the latest evidence-based approaches with her no-nonsense vibe to bring you strategies and tools you can actually use in your day-to-day life.

She’s been an invited speaker at Google, Apple, Chevron, American Airlines, Kaiser Permanente, PG&E, and Clorox. She’s been interviewed on CBS and ABC news, and her mother brags about her non-stop at her retirement community in Florida.

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John R. Miles is a serial entrepreneur and the CEO and founder of Passion Struck. This full-service media company helps people live intentionally by creating best-in-class educational and entertainment content. John is also a prolific public speaker, venture capitalist, and author named to the ComputerWorld Top 100 IT Leaders.

John is the host of the PassionStruckPodcast. The show focused on exploring the mindset and philosophy of the world’s most inspiring people to learn their lessons to living intentionally. Passion Struck aspires to speak to the humanity of people in a way that makes them want to live better, be better and impact.

Stay tuned for JJohn’slatest project, his upcoming book, which will be published in summer 2022.

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