What if the love you’ve been accepting is a reflection of what you believe you deserve?
Welcome to Part 1 of a two-part series on mattering in love—a deep dive into why so many people settle for relationships that leave them feeling unseen, undervalued, and emotionally drained.
Too often, we settle for relationships that leave us feeling unseen, undervalued, and emotionally drained—not because we want to, but because we don’t believe we truly matter in love. In this special solo episode of Passion Struck, I break down why so many people stay stuck in unfulfilling relationships and how shifting your mindset can completely transform the way you experience love. If you’ve ever found yourself chasing validation, justifying mixed signals, or feeling like you have to prove your worth in relationships, this episode will change your perspective. Mattering in love isn’t about proving yourself—it’s about being seen, valued, and chosen for who you truly are.
In today’s episode, we uncover the hidden patterns that keep people stuck in unfulfilling relationships and how to break free by shifting the way you view your own worth. The truth is that the relationships you attract and tolerate are a direct reflection of the way you see yourself.
And don’t forget—this is just Part 1. In Part 2, we’ll dive into how to apply the mattering mindset in love to build relationships where you feel seen, valued, and chosen every single day.
Want to learn the 12 philosophies that the most successful people use to create a limitless life? Order John R. Miles’s new book, Passion Struck: Twelve Powerful Principles to Unlock Your Purpose and Ignite Your Most Intentional Life.
And in case you didn’t already know it, John R. Miles (@John_R_Miles) takes your comments and questions for Momentum Friday right here every week! If you want him to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Momentum Friday episodes, drop us a line at [email protected]. Now, let’s dive in!
“Mattering in love starts with you—and when you believe you matter, the way you experience love will never be the same.”
John R. Miles
Why a Mattering in Love Mindset Changes Everything
In relationships, many people find themselves caught in a cycle of seeking approval, misinterpreting attachment as love, or staying in situations where they feel unseen. But what if the key to deep, fulfilling love isn’t about finding the right person—but about recognizing your own worth? In this solo episode of Passion Struck, John R. Miles unpacks the concept of mattering in love and why it shapes every relationship you have.
Through compelling insights and real-life examples, John explores the subtle yet powerful ways self-worth influences romantic choices. He reveals why people unknowingly settle, how to identify patterns that no longer serve you, and the small, intentional shifts that can help you attract and sustain love that truly values you. If you’ve ever questioned your place in a relationship or wondered why love sometimes feels like a struggle, this episode will help you reclaim your power.
In This Episode About Mattering in love, You’ll Learn:
- Why self-worth is the foundation of love – How the way you see yourself determines the kind of relationships you accept.
- The hidden dangers of chasing validation – Why seeking approval in relationships often leads to emotional exhaustion.
- How to recognize when you’re settling – The subtle signs that indicate you’re accepting less than you deserve.
- The difference between attachment and real love – Why intense chemistry doesn’t always mean long-term security.
- Micro choices that shift your love life – Small but powerful actions that reinforce your value and help you attract better relationships.
- Why the right person won’t make you question your worth – How love that truly matters is rooted in mutual respect and appreciation.
Why Is This Episode About Mattering in Love a Must-Listen?
Too often, people wait for love to validate their worth, only to find themselves in relationships that drain rather than fulfill them. This episode offers a new way of thinking—one that puts you in control of your love life. It’s not just about finding someone who chooses you; it’s about choosing yourself first. By understanding the mattering in love mindset, you’ll gain the clarity and confidence to break free from unhealthy patterns and build relationships where you are truly seen, valued, and cherished.
If you’ve ever felt like you had to earn someone’s affection, if you keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners, or if love has felt more like a struggle than a source of joy, this episode will change your perspective.
If you don’t believe you truly matter in love, you’ll find yourself chasing people who don’t choose you, staying in situations that don’t serve you, and waiting for someone else to validate your worth. But when you shift your mindset, you stop settling for less—and start choosing relationships that reinforce your value.
If you’ve ever wondered:
- Why do I keep attracting emotionally unavailable people?
- Why do I feel like I have to prove my worth in relationships?
- How do I stop settling and start choosing love that truly values me?
Then this episode is for you.
And don’t forget—this is just Part 1. In Part 2, we’ll dive into how to apply the mattering mindset in love to build relationships where you feel seen, valued, and chosen every single day.
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The Bigger Connection: Love, Purpose, and Intentional Living
The insights from this episode seamlessly align with the core themes of Passion Struck: Twelve Powerful Principles to Unlock Your Purpose and Ignite Your Most Intentional Life. At its heart, the book challenges readers to live with purpose, make intentional choices, and break free from limiting beliefs—principles that apply just as much to love as they do to personal growth and success.
Just as Passion Struck emphasizes that transformation starts from within, this episode explores how mattering in love begins with recognizing your own worth. When you stop seeking validation and start choosing relationships that reflect your value, you embody the same intentionality that drives every other area of a fulfilled life. Whether in love, career, or personal growth, the message remains clear: when you know you matter, everything changes.
Why a Mattering in Love Mindset Shapes Every Relationship You Have
Most people don’t realize that their biggest relationship struggles stem from one core issue: They don’t believe they truly matter in love.
When you don’t believe you matter, this is what happens:
- You accept relationships where you feel invisible.
- You chase love instead of attracting it.
- You justify mixed signals and settle for emotional breadcrumbs.
But here’s the hard truth:
- If you have to convince someone to choose you, they are not your person.
- If you feel anxious, uncertain, or undervalued in love, it’s because you haven’t built the foundation of self-worth.
Mattering in love isn’t about being wanted—it’s about being valued. And today, we’re breaking down how to make that shift.
Why So Many People Settle for Less Than They Deserve
People don’t settle because they want to—they settle because they don’t realize they’re doing it.
Here’s how it happens:
- You mistake intensity for commitment. Fast chemistry doesn’t mean long-term security.
- You fear being alone more than being unfulfilled. Loneliness drives people to stay in relationships that don’t align.
- You confuse effort with interest. Someone showing up inconsistently isn’t showing up at all.
If you keep waiting for someone to see your worth, you’ll always feel like love is just out of reach.
But the truth is, the right person won’t make you question your value. They’ll reinforce it—through actions, not just words.
How to Shift from Chasing Love to Choosing It
The secret to experiencing deep, fulfilling love isn’t about trying harder—it’s about believing you matter.
And that starts with micro choices—the small, daily decisions that shift your entire approach to love.
Micro Gain Challenge: Write down the following:
- Three qualities that make you a great partner (this builds self-awareness).
- One past relationship pattern you want to break.
- One way you will start prioritizing your own worth in dating and relationships.
Because the moment you believe you deserve better, you’ll stop settling for less.
RESOURCES FROM THE SHOW “Mattering in Love: Stop Settling—Choose Love That Sees You”
Please note that some of the links on this page (books, movies, music, etc.) lead to affiliate programs for which The Passion Struck podcast receives compensation. It’s just one of the ways we keep the lights on around here. Thank you so much for being so supportive!
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- American Psychological Association (APA) – Resources on resilience and coping: apa.org
- Psychology Today – Articles on mental health, resilience, and personal growth: psychologytoday.com
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Don’t wait for the perfect moment or the perfect support system to act. Like Julia Butterfly Hill, you have the power to make a difference—no matter how small you think your actions might be. What’s one thing you can do today to create positive change? Let us know in the comments and start your journey toward impact.
Check My solo episode on Why Mattering at Work Is the New Metric Leaders Must Track
Catch My Episode with Amy Malin On: Living Life From a Place of Love
Watch my interview with Dr. Nicole LePera on How to Be the Love You Seek
Can’t miss my episode with Amy Morin on How You Become a Mentally Strong Couple
My solo episode on Why We All Crave To Matter: Exploring The Power Of Mattering
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About John R. Miles
John R. Miles is a transformative leader, blending military precision with entrepreneurial flair to ignite purpose and intentional living in millions. A former U.S. Navy officer and Fortune 50 executive, John transitioned from the C-suite to become an international bestselling author and host of the globally acclaimed Passion Struck® podcast, which has ranked as the #1 alternative health podcast in over 25 countries.
John writes about the science of behavior change, personal mastery, and purpose-driven leadership, drawing from his extensive research in neuroscience, and psychology, plus over 700 interviews with trailblazing experts. His book, Passion Struck: Twelve Powerful Principles to Unlock Your Purpose and Ignite Your Most Intentional Life, has earned accolades including Best Business Book at the 2024 International Business Awards.
With a mission to inspire others to live with passion and intention, John’s quirky blend of deep insight and approachable wisdom makes him a sought-after voice in leadership and personal development.
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