Today I talk to Dr. Marisa G. Franco (@drmarisagfranco), a New York Times bestselling author, professor, and psychologist. She communicates the science of connection in digestible ways and is passionate about sharing research with the people it could help the most. Marisa G. Franco is the NY Times bestseller author of Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends as an Adult.
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In This Episode, Marisa G. Franco and I Discuss Her New Book Platonic
Dr. Franco generously shares her deep understanding of how to nurture true and deep connections. She explains why our connections underlie everything—our motivation, career, health, and sense of who we are. We discuss how to make and keep friends in a world that is filled with distraction, burnout, and chaos. Why we as a society place more emphasis on romantic love at the expense of other relationships and the sciences that is behind the bonds we form between us—for example, why your friends aren’t calling you back (it’s not because they hate you!).
- Why the number of friends that most people have is lower than ever before
- What is platonic love and why is it the lowest rung that culture places on love?
- Why connection affects who we are, and who we are affects how we connect
- The three attachment styles that you might have.
- The impact on your health and well-being when you don’t have friendships.
- Why we need an entire community in our lives to feel fully connected.
- Why do we need to do more than just show up?
- Why is it so much harder for us to develop close bonds when we get older?
- When we assume we’re unlikable, people like us more than we think.
- Have any questions, comments, or stories you’d like to share? Drop us a line at [email protected]m!
- And much more…
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More From My Interview With Marisa G. Franco On How to Nurture True and Deep Connections
During our interview, I asked Dr. Franco why it is when we assume we’re unlikable, and we are consequently withdrawn, people like us more than we think?
Marisa G. Franco explains, “This is research on something called the liking gap. Researchers had strangers interact, and found that afterward, if you ask them how much you thought the other person likes, you, people underestimated how likely they were liked.
And this study was replicated in a number of different settings that we all have this tendency to underestimate how liked we are. And the more self-critical people were, the more that they underestimated, the more stronger this liking gap was. And so I think sometimes we think our critical thoughts, I’m weird, I’m awkward. People don’t like me are the truth.
But this research just finds how deeply those thoughts actually distort the truth. And that’s why one of the tips I have for people, when it comes to making friends is to assume people like You. And I’ve talked about how anxiously attached people, they assume though they’re being rejected, then they reject others and they become rejected, right. But when you assume people like you, it’s the opposite.
When researchers told people based on personality profiles, you’re going to go into this group, and people are going to like you. That’s our prediction. People actually went into the group were friendlier, warmer and more open. And this was a total lie on the researchers part. By the way, this is deception. And it was a self fulfilling prophecy. That mindset fundamentally changed how they showed up.
And so I think for those of us wanting to connect with people and make friends, one of our biggest barriers is fears of rejection. So remember, people are less likely to reject you than you think they will, and to assume other people like you.”
Thanks, Marisa G. Franco!
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Resources From The Show With Marisa G. Franco
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- Website: https://drmarisagfranco.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmarisagfranco/
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/DrMarisaGFranco
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drmarisagfranco/
- My solo episode on whether or not free will exists: https://passionstruck.com/does-the-concept-of-free-will-really-exist/
- My interview with Seth Godin on why we need systems to change to save the planet and address climate change: https://passionstruck.com/seth-godin-we-need-systems-change-save-planet/.
- My interview with Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman and Dr. Jordan Feingold on Choosing Growth and transcending self-doubt, fear, and anxiety: https://passionstruck.com/jordyn-feingold-scott-barry-kaufman-chose-growth/
- My interview with Dr. Katy Milkman on the behavior science behind how we change: https://passionstruck.com/katy-milkman-behavior-change-for-good/
- My solo episode on why micro choices matter: https://passionstruck.com/why-your-micro-choices-determine-your-life/
About Today’s Guest, Marisa G. Franco
Dr. Marisa. G Franco is a professor, friendship expert, and speaker who helps organizations increase belonging among diverse employees.
Dr. Franco is a recognized expert in human connection, featured in The New York Times, Good Morning America, Scientific American, and The Chicago Tribune. She writes about connection for Psychology Today. Her experience teaching, speaking, and writing have allowed her to translate complex topics for non-expert audiences.
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