Gordon Flett on The Urgent Need to Know You Matter

Do you ever feel invisible — like your presence, your pain, or your potential doesn’t really matter? In this powerful episode, Dr. Gordon Flett, one of the world’s foremost researchers on the psychology of mattering, joins John R. Miles to explore why so many people today feel unseen, unheard, and unvalued — and what we can do about it.

Drawing from decades of groundbreaking research and insights from his recent book, Mattering as a Core Need in Children and Adolescents: Theoretical, Clinical, and Research Perspectives, Dr. Flett reveals how mattering is not just a feel-good concept — it’s a core human need that shapes our mental health, relationships, and sense of purpose. Whether you’ve ever felt overlooked or you’re striving to make others feel truly valued, this conversation will challenge, enlighten, and inspire you.

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The Psychology of Mattering: How to Feel Seen, Heard, and Valued with Dr. Gordon Flett

In Episode 597 of Passion Struck, host John R. Miles sits down with Dr. Gordon Flett, a pioneering psychologist whose decades of research have shaped our understanding of mattering—the feeling of being seen, valued, and significant.

Dr. Flett, author of The Psychology of Mattering and Mattering as a Core Need in Children and Adolescents, explains how mattering is distinct from belonging and self-esteem, and why its absence—what he calls “anti-mattering”—can lead to burnout, depression, loneliness, and even hopelessness.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode With Gordon Flett:

• Mattering vs. Self-Esteem: Learn why mattering is not the same as self-esteem or confidence — and why it might be even more important.
• The Hidden Epidemic: Discover the surprising number of people who quietly feel like they don’t matter — and the serious mental health impacts that follow.
• From Childhood to Adulthood: Understand how early experiences of invisibility can carry into adulthood and shape everything from friendships to careers.
• The Workplace Effect: Explore how organizations can foster (or destroy) a culture where people feel valued — and why this impacts employee well-being.
• Simple, Actionable Strategies: Get practical tools to help others feel like they matter — in your family, your team, or your everyday interactions.
• Unexpected Findings: Hear what shocked Dr. Flett most during his decades of research, including who is most at risk of feeling invisible.

WHY IS THIS EPISODE WITH GORDON FLETT A MUST-LISTEN?

Because feeling like you matter is foundational to your mental health, motivation, and sense of belonging — yet most people don’t even realize when it’s missing. Dr. Flett brings a lifetime of expertise to a topic that is deeply personal and universally relevant. Whether you’re a parent, a leader, a friend, or someone quietly struggling, this episode will help you recognize the power of mattering — and how a few intentional actions can make a world of difference.

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Why Mattering Is a Core Need in Children — And What Happens When It’s Missing

During this deeply inspiring Passion Struck podcast episode, honorary president of the Canadian Psychological Association, Dr. Gordon Flett, shared some of his groundbreaking research on a vital but often overlooked aspect of child development: the need to matter.

Drawing from the insights in his co-authored book, Mattering as a Core Need in Children and Adolescents: Theoretical, Clinical, and Research Perspectives, Dr. Flett emphasized that mattering is not a luxury — it’s a psychological necessity. He described it as the feeling that you are noticed, valued, and essential to others. And for children and teens, this need is especially critical.

Unlike fleeting boosts of self-esteem, mattering provides a stable foundation of emotional security. Children who grow up believing they matter to their caregivers, teachers, and peers are more likely to thrive socially, emotionally, and academically. Conversely, those who feel invisible or unimportant are more susceptible to anxiety, depression, and disengagement from school and life.

What’s particularly powerful about Dr. Flett’s work is how he ties mattering into the broader mental health crisis among youth today. He explained that many children internalize a sense of insignificance early on, and this belief becomes a lens through which they interpret the world. “When you don’t feel like you matter,” he noted, “you begin to question your worth in every space you enter.”

The conversation also explored how adults can foster mattering in children, even through the smallest gestures — like being emotionally available, listening attentively, and consistently showing up. These cues, when repeated over time, form the internal scaffolding a child uses to believe, “I am important to someone.”

Dr. Flett’s message is both urgent and hopeful: when we prioritize mattering in our parenting, teaching, and community-building, we give children the emotional resilience to flourish in a world that often makes them feel small. His work calls for a collective shift in how we support youth — not just by helping them feel good about themselves, but by helping them feel seen, valued, and essential.

THANKS, DR. FLETT

If you enjoyed this interview with Gordon Flett, let him know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout on Twitter

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RESOURCES FROM THE SHOW WITH DR. GORDON FLETT

Please note that some of the links on this page (books, movies, music, etc.) lead to affiliate programs for which The Passion Struck podcast receives compensation. It’s just one of the ways we keep the lights on around here. Thank you so much for being so supportive!

1. Dr. Flett’s Website
2. Mattering Movement Website
3. Dr. Flett’s Twitter
4. The Psychology of Mattering by Dr. Gordon Flett
5. Laurie Santos’s work at Yale on well-being and mattering
6. Nancy Schlossberg’s research on transitions and adult development
7. Jennifer Wallace’s book Never Enough on achievement culture
8. APA’s recognition of mattering as critical to child mental health
9. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy’s five pillars for workplace well-being
10. BUY Dr. Gordon Flett’s Book Mattering as a Core Need: https://amzn.to/4cpywxv
11. Passion Struck Core Value System: https://passionstruck.com/the-passion-struck-core-belief-system/
12. Listen to Passion Struck’s interviews with New York Times bestselling authors Gretchen Rubin and Seth Godin.
13. Check out Passion Struck’s Episode Starter Packs on Spotify or Passion Struck starter packs to get started with the podcast.

My solo episode on The Mattering Mindset in Love – Choose the Love You Deserve

Can’t miss my episode with Jennifer B. Wallace on the Consequences of Prioritizing Achievements Over Mattering

My episode with The Art of Listening: How to Make People Feel Like They Matter

Catch my interview with Laurie Santos on How to Matter in a Busy World

Listen to my solo episode on Fading into Insignificance: The Impact of Un-Mattering in Our Interconnected Era

About Today’s Guest, Dr. Flett

Dr. Gordon Flett is one of the world’s leading researchers on the psychology of mattering. A recently retired Distinguished Professor of Psychology at York University, he is the former Honorary President of the Canadian Psychological Association and author of seminal works, including The Psychology of Mattering. With over three decades of groundbreaking research, Dr. Flett has authored more than 300 scholarly publications and co-developed the influential Perfectionism Model of Mental Health.

His recent work focuses on the critical importance of mattering—feeling valued by others—as a core psychological need, especially among youth. He is the author of Mattering as a Core Need in Children and Adolescents: Theoretical, Clinical, and Research Perspectives, a pivotal book that reframes how we understand well-being and emotional development. Dr. Flett has transformed how educators, clinicians, and communities approach mental health and human connection through his research and advocacy.

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