In this powerful follow-up to last week’s episode, Mattering in Love: Stop Settling—Choose Love That Sees You, John R. Miles dives even deeper into the transformative concept of mattering in relationships. In Part 2, The Mattering Mindset in Love — Choose the Love You Deserve, John unpacks how adopting a mattering mindset shapes not only how we love others but also how we allow ourselves to be loved.
He explores the critical shift from seeking validation to embracing self-worth, revealing how intentionality in love empowers us to break free from unfulfilling relationships and cultivate connections rooted in mutual respect, value, and emotional significance. If you’ve ever questioned whether you’re truly seen and appreciated by your partner — or wondered how to build a relationship where you both feel deeply valued — this episode will give you the clarity and courage you need.
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“Love isn’t about convincing someone to choose you. It’s about being with someone who sees your worth without question.”
John R. Miles
Why a Mattering Mindset in Love Changes Everything
In this eye-opening follow-up to his solo episode on mattering in love, John R. Miles delves deeper into the psychology of relationships and the transformative power of choice. While the first episode focused on understanding how we can cultivate a sense of mattering — both for ourselves and our partners — this second installment shifts the spotlight onto the courageous act of choosing the love we truly deserve.
John breaks down the subtle yet powerful ways we can reclaim our agency in relationships, setting boundaries and moving away from the scarcity mindset that often keeps us stuck in unfulfilling dynamics. He masterfully connects these concepts to the broader Passion Struck philosophy, showing how embracing intentionality in love aligns with living a purpose-driven life.
In This Episode About Mattering Minset in love, you’ll learn:
- How to break free from conditional love and embrace relationships where you feel truly seen and valued.
- The hidden power of choice and how it shapes the quality of our romantic partnerships.
- Why is self-worth the foundation of love, and how can we build it from within?
- How to identify when you’re sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of keeping someone else in your life.
- The impact of scarcity vs. abundance mindset in attracting healthy, reciprocal relationships.
- Key strategies to align your relationships with your core values and life purpose.
Why Is This Episode About Mattering Mindset in Love a Must-Listen?
This episode pushes beyond the surface of romantic relationships, offering a profound perspective on how choosing ourselves is the most radical form of love. Whether you’re navigating a new relationship, healing from heartbreak, or seeking a deeper connection with your partner, John’s insights will empower you to shift your mindset and embrace the love you deserve. It’s not just about finding someone who loves you — it’s about cultivating relationships where both people matter and thrive.
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Why the Mattering Mindset in Love Matters More Than Ever
The way we approach love is deeply connected to how we see ourselves. If you believe you matter, you set a higher standard for the love you accept. If you don’t, you’ll find yourself in relationships that constantly make you question your worth.
In Part 1 of The Mattering Mindset in Love, we explored why mattering is the foundation of every great relationship. We talked about self-worth, the dangers of chasing validation, and how to recognize when you’re investing in the wrong person.
But knowing this isn’t enough—the real challenge is applying it.
Many people mistake exclusivity for real commitment. They think having a title means they’re secure in a relationship. But real commitment isn’t about being labeled “official.” It’s about being chosen, not just once, but over and over through actions—not just words.
Speak with Your Feet: Choosing the Love That Chooses You
In Passion Struck, I introduced the principle of Speak with Your Feet—the idea that our actions, not just our words, define our commitment to what truly matters. This principle is just as vital in love. Too often, people stay in relationships where they feel unseen, undervalued, or uncertain, hoping that words or promises will eventually translate into real commitment. But love—like life—isn’t about waiting for someone else to validate your worth. It’s about choosing relationships where you are already valued.
If someone’s actions don’t align with their words, if they make you second-guess your place in their life, or if you find yourself constantly seeking reassurance, that is your answer. Speak with your feet means recognizing when you are no longer being chosen and having the courage to walk away. It’s about making decisions based on what people do, not just what they say.
In the mattering mindset in love, your love should feel like a consistent investment, not an occasional validation. If you feel like you are always waiting, wondering, or justifying, it’s time to step toward the love that meets you with the same intentionality you bring to it. Because the right relationship won’t make you question your value—it will remind you of it every single day.
The Mattering Mindset in Love: Breaking Free from Settling
Signs You’re Settling:
- You constantly question where you stand.
- You hesitate to bring up commitment out of fear.
- You feel like they only choose you when it’s convenient.
If you’ve ever walked away from a relationship where you felt unseen, you know that the hardest part isn’t just leaving—it’s rewriting your sense of self.
Because when we lose mattering in love, we don’t just lose the person. We lose the version of ourselves we became with them.
Healing isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about using it to rebuild a stronger future.
Micro Gain Challenge: Ask yourself:
- What does commitment actually mean to me?
- Am I afraid to bring it up—and if so, why?
- Would I accept this level of effort from a friend?
If you wouldn’t tolerate it in a friendship, why accept it in a relationship?
Final Takeaway: Love Shouldn’t Be a Guessing Game
The biggest shift in The Mattering Mindset in Love isn’t about finding the right person—it’s about becoming the version of yourself who refuses to settle for anything less than the love you deserve.
The right person doesn’t make you question your worth. They remind you of it every single day.
So, if you’re in a relationship that constantly makes you wonder, “Do I really matter to them?”—that’s your answer.
Love isn’t about convincing someone to stay. It’s about being with someone who chooses you fully and freely.
RESOURCES FROM THE SHOW “The Mattering Mindset in Love – Choose the Love You Deserve”
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Don’t wait for the perfect moment or the perfect support system to act. Like Julia Butterfly Hill, you have the power to make a difference—no matter how small you think your actions might be. What’s one thing you can do today to create positive change? Let us know in the comments and start your journey toward impact.
Check Part 1 of this series, ‘Mattering in Love: Stop Settling—Choose Love That Sees You’
Catch My Episode with Jessica Zweig on How to Be the Light You Seek in the World
Watch my interview with Dr. Nicole LePera on How to Be the Love You Seek
Can’t miss my episode with Kate Bowler on Why There is No Cure for Being Human
My solo episode on The Art of Listening: How to Make People Feel Like They Matter
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About John R. Miles
John R. Miles is a transformative leader, blending military precision with entrepreneurial flair to ignite purpose and intentional living in millions. A former U.S. Navy officer and Fortune 50 executive, John transitioned from the C-suite to become an international bestselling author and host of the globally acclaimed Passion Struck® podcast, which has ranked as the #1 alternative health podcast in over 25 countries.
John writes about the science of behavior change, personal mastery, and purpose-driven leadership, drawing from his extensive research in neuroscience, and psychology, plus over 700 interviews with trailblazing experts. His book, Passion Struck: Twelve Powerful Principles to Unlock Your Purpose and Ignite Your Most Intentional Life, has earned accolades, including Best Business Book at the 2024 International Business Awards.
With a mission to inspire others to live with passion and intention, John’s quirky blend of deep insight and approachable wisdom makes him a sought-after voice in leadership and personal development.
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