Passion Struck Podcast · With John R. Miles

You Don’t Need a Calling to Matter: How Ordinary People Discover Meaning and Purpose

November 6, 2026

How to Find Meaning in Life is a question that often becomes more difficult when you reach adulthood without discovering a defining passion, an extraordinary talent, or a clear sense of what you were meant to do. We grow up hearing stories about people who seem to have recognized their calling early, built remarkable careers, or found a singular pursuit that gives their lives direction.

Meanwhile, many thoughtful people move through their days working, caring for their families, maintaining relationships, and fulfilling responsibilities while quietly wondering whether their contributions are significant enough to matter. In this special solo episode of Passion Struck, I explore how to find purpose without a passion, discover what matters to you, and build a meaningful life through everyday contribution, human connection, and intentional choices.

This conversation began with a question from a listener named Phil Corigliano, who wanted an episode specifically for the average person searching for meaning. He wondered how someone without a clearly defined passion, a special talent, or an obvious calling could identify their place in the world and develop a genuine sense of mattering. His question stayed with me because it exposes something our culture rarely acknowledges: millions of people are trying to understand their significance while measuring themselves against standards of achievement that were never designed to describe the full range of human value.

I believe we need a more grounded understanding of purpose, one that recognizes the importance of ordinary lives and the contributions that often remain invisible. A meaningful life can emerge through the people we support, the problems we care enough to address, and the responsibilities we choose to embrace. It can begin with something as simple as noticing that another person needs help and deciding to stay.

Why We Confuse an Extraordinary Life With a Meaningful One

Our culture has become remarkably skilled at celebrating visible achievement. We admire founders who build billion-dollar companies, athletes who break records, artists who transform their industries, and leaders whose accomplishments become part of history. There is genuine value in recognizing exceptional work, but somewhere along the way, we began treating exceptional achievement as the primary evidence that a person’s life matters.

In my book, The Mattering Effect, I describe this tendency through the idea of the marketplace of mattering, where people come to believe their worth must continually be earned through productivity, recognition, and visible accomplishments. The result is a persistent form of comparison. We begin evaluating our lives against people whose circumstances, abilities, opportunities, and ambitions may have very little in common with our own. When our contributions seem modest by comparison, we can start overlooking the significance of what we already bring to the world.

I think an old-growth forest offers a useful way to understand this problem. When we stand beneath its canopy, our attention naturally moves toward the tallest redwoods and the enormous trees that dominate the landscape. Yet beneath the ground exists an intricate network of fungal threads called mycelium, connecting roots, supporting the ecosystem, and helping sustain the forest’s resilience. The visible trees may capture our attention, but the unseen network plays an equally essential role in keeping the entire system alive.

Human communities work in much the same way. The neighbor who checks on someone living alone, the colleague who brings calm to a stressful workplace, the parent who creates emotional safety for a child, and the friend who remembers to reach out during a difficult season all contribute to something larger than themselves. Their influence rarely produces public recognition, yet their presence can fundamentally shape another person’s experience of life. When we begin to recognize these contributions, we develop a more complete understanding of what makes a life meaningful.

What Nicholas Winton Teaches Us About Finding Purpose Through Ordinary Actions

One of the stories I share in this episode is that of Nicholas Winton, a British stockbroker clerk whose actions during the months preceding World War II helped save 669 children from Nazi-occupied Czechoslovakia. In December 1938, Winton was preparing for a ski holiday when a friend asked him to travel to Prague instead. What he encountered there changed the direction of his life. Refugee camps were filled with families who had fled the Nazi takeover of the Sudetenland, and children were living in extraordinarily difficult conditions.

Winton responded with the tools he had available. He established a makeshift office, recorded children’s names, contacted authorities, raised funds, arranged foster placements, and worked through the bureaucracy required to organize their evacuation. During the day, he continued his regular brokerage work. In the evenings, he typed letters, coordinated arrangements, and followed through on the countless administrative details that made the rescue possible. Eight trains eventually carried 669 children to safety.

For decades, Winton rarely discussed what he had done. His wife discovered a scrapbook containing the children’s names and records in their attic in 1988, and his story eventually became public through a BBC television program. During the broadcast, people in the audience who owed their lives to his efforts stood up around him.

What stays with me about this story is the relationship between ordinary ability and extraordinary consequence. Winton’s contribution grew from administrative discipline, persistence, and an ability to recognize a human need that demanded attention. He did not begin with a grand declaration about his destiny. He encountered a situation that mattered and decided to take responsibility for what he could do.

Most of us will never encounter a crisis of that magnitude, but the underlying pattern is remarkably relevant to everyday life. Meaning can emerge when we recognize a responsibility, invest in a relationship, or become consistently present for someone who needs support. Sometimes, the work that gives our lives significance begins with an opportunity that looks ordinary from the outside.

In this episode, You’ll Learn:

Why our culture’s emphasis on extraordinary achievement can make ordinary people overlook the meaning and significance already present in their lives.
What Nicholas Winton’s story reveals about how everyday skills, persistence, and responding to human needs can create an extraordinary contribution.
How to use The Three Clues to discover what matters to you by examining what you find hard to ignore, where your presence helps, and what you are willing to take responsibility for.
Why purpose can emerge through participation, relationships, and consistent contribution rather than through a single moment of self-discovery.
How to develop a sense of mattering that extends beyond professional achievements, institutional recognition, and external validation.
How to begin discovering a more meaningful direction through seven days of reflection and one intentional action within forty-eight hours.

The Three Clues to Discovering What Matters to You

One reason people struggle with finding purpose is that much of the advice encourages them to begin by looking inward. They are told to identify their greatest strengths, uncover their authentic passion, or take personality assessments until a clear direction emerges. Those exercises can be useful, but they can also become frustrating when someone looks inside and finds no obvious answer.

I suggest approaching the question from another direction. Instead of concentrating exclusively on what you think your purpose should be, pay attention to how you respond to the world around you. Your attention, relationships, and willingness to accept responsibility can reveal important information about what matters to you.

I call this framework The Three Clues.

1. What do you find hard to ignore?

Pay attention to the situations that consistently interrupt your indifference. Perhaps you notice an older neighbor becoming isolated, a child being discouraged from believing in their abilities, or someone in your workplace being treated as though their contribution has little value. These moments can reveal the concerns that resonate most deeply with you.

Your personal history often influences what you notice. Experiences of being overlooked, misunderstood, supported, or encouraged can shape your sensitivity to similar experiences in other people. Someone who remembers what it felt like to stand alone in a room may become particularly attentive to those who feel excluded. Your history hasn’t decided your destiny, but it has trained your eye.

2. Where does your presence help?

Think about the people who have made the greatest difference in your life. Consider what made their presence meaningful. Perhaps they listened carefully when you were struggling, offered reassurance during a difficult transition, or created an environment where you felt safe enough to make mistakes and grow.

Now consider where you bring that kind of value to others. You might be someone who brings order to complicated situations, helps outsiders feel welcome, remains calm when others are overwhelmed, or consistently handles the responsibilities that keep a family or team functioning. These contributions may not appear extraordinary on a résumé, but they can be indispensable to the people who experience them.

3. What are you willing to take responsibility for?

The third clue moves from observation toward commitment. You may discover what matters through the process of becoming involved in something beyond yourself. Imagine volunteering at a local food pantry or helping children with their studies. At first, you might simply be curious or looking for a constructive way to spend your time. Then you begin recognizing familiar faces, learning people’s stories, and understanding the challenges they encounter. Eventually, the success of that community becomes personally important to you.

Your sense of purpose can develop through that participation. You become invested because you have relationships, responsibilities, and experiences that connect you to something meaningful.

I also think about a conversation I had with Andreas Widmer, author of The Pope and the CEO. Andreas once explained that we impoverish the idea of entrepreneurship when we reduce it to starting a company. At its core, entrepreneurship involves creating something of value by asking a fundamental question: How may I help you? That question captures an important part of discovering purpose because it moves us from endless self-examination toward meaningful engagement with the world.

The Mattering Effect: Why Feeling Valued and Adding Value Changes How We Live

The ideas in this episode connect closely to the central argument of my book, The Mattering Effect: Creating a Life of Meaning and Worth. I define mattering as a two-way relationship between feeling valued and adding value. Both experiences are important because human significance develops through the relationship between how we experience our own worth and how we contribute to the lives of others.

We often confuse mattering with admiration, status, or recognition. Yet those experiences can be temporary and dependent on circumstances outside our control. A professional title may disappear when a career changes. An institution may stop providing the identity and community that once gave our work meaning. Recognition may shift toward someone else. When our sense of worth depends entirely on these external structures, transitions can leave us questioning who we are.

I experienced this during my own transition out of the U.S. Navy. After leaving military service, I had accepted an appointment with the FBI at Quantico, but Congress failed to pass the budget, and my entire class was recycled. The career transition I had built my plans around disappeared almost overnight, and I eventually took a position at Booz Allen Hamilton. Although I was working alongside people with military backgrounds, the organizational culture felt very different from the collective mission and brotherhood I had experienced in the Navy. The emphasis had shifted toward billable hours, profit margins, and corporate deliverables.

That period forced me to confront a question I had previously been able to avoid: Who was I when the uniform came off, and the institution that had helped define my identity was no longer there to validate me?

Looking back, I recognize how important that experience was in understanding the relationship between identity, purpose, and mattering. Professional achievement can provide direction, community, and a sense of contribution, but a person’s significance must extend beyond the structures that recognize their work. It also lives in their values, relationships, decisions, and capacity to make another person’s experience better.

This is why I believe the question we should carry with us is: Who experiences something better because I am in their life? It shifts our attention toward the human consequences of our choices and helps us recognize that a meaningful life is often built through relationships and contributions that never appear in a performance review or public biography.

The Mattering Effect by John R. Miles as a Must Read by the Next Big Idea Book Club (image)

How to Start Finding Meaning in Your Everyday Life: A Practical Exercise

Understanding the relationship between purpose and mattering becomes more useful when we translate it into something we can practice. I recommend approaching the next seven days as an opportunity to observe your own life with greater attention. Rather than attempting to define your entire future, use The Three Clues to identify where meaning may already be emerging.

Start by keeping a short daily record of the moments that stand out to you. Notice the problems that capture your attention, the situations where someone benefits from your presence, and the responsibilities you feel willing to accept. You may begin recognizing patterns that were previously easy to overlook.

As you reflect, consider these practical steps:

Pay attention to what moves you: Identify one situation, problem, or human need that you find difficult to ignore. Explore why it captures your attention and what your response reveals about your values.
Recognize where you already contribute: Ask a few people who know you well when they experience your presence as particularly helpful. Their observations may reveal strengths and contributions you have come to take for granted.
Look for a responsibility you can embrace: Identify a person, community, or problem where a small but consistent contribution could make a difference.
Experiment with something new: Borrow an idea from Jon Acuff, whom I interviewed in Episode 839. He calls it auditioning a goal: choose something new, give it fifteen minutes a day for seven days, and observe what you learn from the experience.
Take one small action within forty-eight hours: Call a relative who has become isolated, help an overwhelmed colleague work through a challenge, or volunteer a few hours in your community. Choose an action that connects your observations to something real.

At the end of the week, look back at what you noticed and what you actually did. Consider which experiences generated a deeper sense of connection, which responsibilities felt worth continuing, and where your contribution seemed to matter to someone else. You may begin to recognize a direction that was difficult to identify when you were trying to solve the question of purpose entirely in your head.

The larger lesson is that a meaningful life develops through participation. We discover what matters by becoming involved with people, problems, and responsibilities that deserve our attention. Over time, these commitments can become part of how we understand ourselves and the contribution we want to make.

A Final Reflection

I want to return to the question Phil asked at the beginning of this conversation: How does someone without a clearly defined passion, a special talent, or an obvious calling begin to discover what matters to them?

I think the answer becomes clearer when we stop treating purpose as a destination that must be identified before life can begin to feel meaningful. Purpose can take shape through the people we love, the work we approach with care, the responsibilities we accept, and the moments when we recognize that someone else’s circumstances might improve because we chose to be present.

You may spend your life doing work that never attracts public recognition, supporting people whose names will never appear in a newspaper, or contributing to communities whose strength depends on countless individual acts of care. Those experiences still carry significance. They are part of the relationships and connections that make human life possible.

You do not have to become extraordinary to matter. You can begin by paying attention, recognizing where your presence helps, and deciding what you are willing to take responsibility for.

You matter. And your life is still becoming.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do you find meaning in life when you don’t have a calling?

Finding meaning in life begins with paying attention to the people, problems, and experiences that create a sense of responsibility within you. You might not have a clearly defined passion or a career that feels like your calling, but you can still discover what matters through everyday interactions and contributions. Start by noticing what you find difficult to ignore, where your presence makes a difference, and what you are willing to take responsibility for. Purpose often develops through participation and relationships, gradually becoming clearer as you engage with the world around you.

Can you live a meaningful life without discovering your passion?

Yes. A meaningful life can develop through relationships, personal commitments, meaningful work, and the contributions you make to other people’s lives. Passion is one possible source of direction, but it is not the only way to experience purpose. You might find deep fulfillment in raising a family, supporting a colleague, helping your community, or consistently showing up for someone who needs you. These experiences demonstrate that human significance is often built through ordinary actions that create lasting value for others.

What are the three clues to discovering your purpose?

In Passion Struck Episode 843, John R. Miles introduces The Three Clues, a practical framework for identifying what matters to you. The first is asking what you find hard to ignore, which helps reveal the problems and human needs that capture your attention. The second is considering where your presence helps, allowing you to recognize the contributions you already make in your relationships and everyday environments. The third is identifying what you are willing to take responsibility for, because purpose can develop through consistent involvement in something beyond yourself. John recommends observing these three clues over seven days and taking one meaningful action within forty-eight hours.

What is the difference between finding your purpose and discovering your mattering?

Purpose provides direction by helping you understand what you want to contribute to or accomplish through your life. Mattering addresses a deeper question: whether you feel valued and recognize that you add value to the lives of others. In The Mattering Effect, John R. Miles describes mattering as a two-way relationship between feeling valued and adding value. This distinction is important because your sense of significance can remain connected to your relationships, values, and contributions even as your career, circumstances, and ambitions change.

How can ordinary people make a meaningful contribution to the world?

Ordinary people contribute to the world through the ways they support others, strengthen relationships, and respond to everyday needs. A person who checks on an isolated neighbor, helps an overwhelmed colleague, creates a welcoming environment, or makes a child feel emotionally safe can have a profound influence on someone else’s life. Nicholas Winton’s story illustrates how ordinary abilities and consistent follow-through can produce extraordinary consequences. His work reminds us that meaningful contributions often begin with recognizing a need and deciding to take responsibility for what we can do.

Why do people feel lost when they cannot identify their calling?

Many people feel lost because they have learned to associate purpose with a singular passion, exceptional talent, or clearly defined professional destination. When those things remain difficult to identify, they may interpret the uncertainty as evidence that something important is missing from their lives. This expectation can also make everyday contributions seem insignificant when compared with highly visible achievements. Looking beyond career aspirations and paying attention to relationships, responsibilities, and the problems that matter to you can provide a more grounded way to begin discovering direction.

How does your personal history influence what matters to you?

Your personal history can shape the experiences, problems, and human needs you notice most readily. Someone who remembers feeling overlooked may become especially attentive to people who are excluded, while someone who experienced encouragement during a difficult period may place particular importance on helping others recognize their potential. These experiences can reveal patterns in what you care about and where you feel compelled to contribute. As John explains in this episode, your history hasn’t decided your destiny, but it has trained your eye.

Can you find purpose without changing your career?

Absolutely. Discovering purpose does not necessarily require leaving your job, starting a business, or pursuing an entirely different professional path. You can find meaning in the way you approach your existing responsibilities, support your colleagues, develop relationships, and contribute to your community. Sometimes, a greater sense of purpose emerges when you recognize the value of work you already do and become more intentional about the people who benefit from your presence.

How do you find meaning after losing a professional identity or important role?

Losing a professional identity can create a difficult period of uncertainty, particularly when a career or institution has provided much of your sense of belonging and significance. Rebuilding meaning involves reconnecting with the values, relationships, and contributions that extend beyond that role. In this episode, John shares how an unexpected disruption to his post-Navy career plans forced him to reconsider who he was without the uniform and institutional validation. His experience illustrates why a lasting sense of mattering needs foundations that remain meaningful through professional and personal transitions.

What is one practical way to start living a more meaningful life today?

Start by choosing one small action that responds to something you genuinely care about. You might call someone who has become isolated, help a colleague navigate a difficult situation, or volunteer your time to support a local community. John recommends spending seven days observing The Three Clues and taking one action within forty-eight hours. The purpose of this exercise is to turn reflection into participation, allowing you to discover what matters through real experiences rather than waiting until you have a complete understanding of your life’s direction.

Episode Takeaways

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You Don’t Need a Calling to Matter: How Ordinary People Discover Meaning and Purpose

Why We Confuse an Extraordinary Life With a Meaningful One

What Nicholas Winton Teaches Us About Finding Purpose Through Ordinary Actions

In this episode, You’ll Learn: