In this thought-provoking episode, Dr. Wolfgang Linden — celebrated psychologist, relationship expert, and author of The Illusion of Control: A Practical Guide to Avoid Futile Struggles — joins me to explore how our deepest struggles with control shape the way we love, lead, and live. Drawing on decades of clinical research and real-world experience, Wolfgang unpacks why we often fight the wrong battles, how emotional “quicksand” keeps us stuck, and why calculated risks can be the catalyst for real transformation.
From navigating the aftermath of loss to embracing growth in relationships, careers, and personal identity, this conversation offers practical strategies to break unhealthy patterns, manage anxiety, and build the resilience needed for lasting change.
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“Every once in a while you run into a dead end, and the only solution is to try something you’ve never done before. Will you know ahead of time that it’s going to work? No. But if everything else hasn’t worked, you have no choice but to take the risk.”
dr. Wolfgang linden
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Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podcast Addict, Pocket Casts, Stitcher, Castbox, Google Podcasts, Listen Notes, Amazon Music, or on your favorite podcast platform. You can watch the interview on YouTube below.
Unlock Your Brain’s Potential: Gut Health, Sleep, and Self-Awareness
In this wide-ranging conversation, Dr. Wolfgang Linden shares how risk-taking, resilience, and emotional awareness intersect to shape the trajectory of our relationships, careers, and personal growth. Drawing on four decades of clinical practice, he reveals why fear and avoidance so often keep us in repetitive cycles — and how therapy can serve as a safe laboratory for breaking free.
The episode moves beyond theory into actionable guidance on recognizing when change is necessary, building the courage to step into the unknown, and finding new ways to engage with life after loss or major transitions. Wolfgang also dives into the importance of making change a shared journey in relationships, and how even the smallest shifts in behavior can create powerful ripples in mindset and mood.
In This Episode You’ll Learn:
- Recognize emotional quicksand — Learn why some struggles only deepen the more we fight them, and how to step back before sinking further.
- Differentiate risk types — Understand the crucial distinction between reckless risks and calculated risks that drive growth.
- Use therapy as a testing ground — Discover how professional guidance provides a safe space to experiment with new behaviors and perspectives.
- Shift behavior to shift mood — See how small, intentional actions can alter both your thinking and emotional state.
- Grow together in relationships — Find strategies for avoiding fractures when one partner evolves faster than the other.
WHY IS THIS EPISODE A MUST-LISTEN?
This episode is essential for anyone feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or uncertain about their next move. Whether you’re at a personal crossroads, navigating a career change, or striving to strengthen a relationship, Dr. Linden offers a rare blend of scientific insight and practical wisdom. You’ll walk away with a clearer understanding of what’s within your control, the confidence to embrace change, and concrete tools to create lasting, meaningful transformation.
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How to Grow Together in Relationships Without Growing Apart — Insights from The Illusion of Control
One of the most compelling parts of my conversation with Dr. Wolfgang Linden was his insight into how personal growth impacts relationships — and why it can sometimes drive partners further apart instead of closer together. Drawing on systems theory, Wolfgang explains that you can’t change just one element of a system without affecting the whole. When one person evolves — whether through therapy, pursuing a new passion, or adopting healthier habits — it shifts the dynamic for everyone connected to them.
In The Illusion of Control: A Practical Guide to Avoid Futile Struggles, Wolfgang highlights the importance of making growth visible and shared. If one partner is moving forward while the other remains static, disconnection and resentment can take root. His advice? Communicate openly about the changes you’re making, and encourage the other person to embark on their own growth journey — even if it’s in a completely different area.
The goal isn’t to do the exact same things, but to create parallel paths of personal evolution so neither person feels left behind. When growth is intentional and mutual, it becomes a powerful bonding force. It transforms relationships from static partnerships into living, evolving collaborations, where each person’s development supports and inspires the other.
Thanks, Dr. Wolfgang Linden
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RESOURCES FROM THE SHOW WITH DR. WOLFGANG LINDEN
Please note that some of the links on this page (books, movies, music, etc.) lead to affiliate programs for which The Passion Struck podcast receives compensation. It’s just one of the ways we keep the lights on around here. Thank you so much for being so supportive!
- Dr. Wolfgang Linden’s Website
- Dr. Wolfgang Linden’s Twitter
- Buy Dr. Wolfgang Linden’s Book ‘The Illusion of Control’
- APA’s recognition of mattering as critical to child mental health
- Passion Struck Core Value System: https://passionstruck.com/the-passion-struck-core-belief-system/
- Listen to Passion Struck’s interviews with New York Times bestselling authors Gretchen Rubin and Seth Godin.
- Check out Passion Struck’s Episode Starter Packs on Spotify or Passion Struck starter packs to get started with the podcast.
About Today’s Guest, Dr. Wolfgang Linden
Dr. Wolfgang Linden is a Professor Emeritus in Clinical and Health Psychology at the University of British Columbia, renowned for his expertise in relationships, emotional resilience, and health psychology. With over four decades of clinical and research experience, he has authored more than 170 peer-reviewed articles and several books, including The Illusion of Control: A Practical Guide to Avoid Futile Struggles.
His work spans topics from reducing health risk behaviors and managing hypertension to psychosocial cardiac rehabilitation and the psychological factors in cancer care. A former president of both the British Columbia and Canadian Psychological Associations, Dr. Linden is also a lifelong advocate for improving mental health care and reducing the long-term effects of adverse childhood experiences.
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