What if you could redesign your life by reshaping your personality? For years, psychology told us that who we are is fixed by adulthood. But new science reveals that personality is far more flexible than we once believed.
In this episode of Passion Struck, John R. Miles speaks with Olga Khazan, award-winning journalist for The Atlantic and author of Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change. Through her own bold year-long experiment, Olga tested whether it is possible to rewire traits like neuroticism and introversion, and what she discovered will change the way you think about identity and growth.
Why Personality Change Is Possible
For decades, conventional wisdom taught us that personality hardens early in life. The person you were at twenty-five would be the person you stayed forever. Research now paints a different picture. Personality is not a rigid blueprint but a dynamic system that can adapt, evolve, and improve with deliberate effort. Olga Khazan explores this possibility in her book Me, But Better, weaving together her lived experiment with the most recent findings from psychology. Her journey shows that while some traits are more stubborn than others, real transformation is possible when we act with intention.
Practical Steps to Begin Your Own Personality Change
- Clarify your goals: Decide which traits you want to shift and why. Do you want to build better relationships, reduce stress, or strengthen purpose
- Start small: Practice one daily behavior that aligns with your desired trait. It might be initiating one conversation or journaling for calm
- Track progress: Note how you feel before and after these behaviors to see growth over time
- Build support: Surround yourself with people who model and encourage the traits you want to develop
- Celebrate small wins: Recognize and reward even minor improvements to reinforce change
Why This Matters
At Passion Struck, we believe that mattering is one of our deepest human needs. Personality change can help close the gap between how we are living and who we want to be. By shifting our traits in intentional ways, we align our daily actions with our values and strengthen our sense of belonging to ourselves and to others.
The promise of personality change is not about becoming unrecognizable. It is about becoming more fully yourself. Olga Khazan’s research and lived experiment show us that transformation is possible and often much closer than we think. If you have ever said, “That is just the way I am,” it may be time to challenge that assumption. You have more agency over your personality, your choices, and your future than you realize.
The Big Five Traits and What Can Shift
Psychologists measure personality with the Big Five model: openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Olga reveals how each of these traits can be nudged in new directions. Even small shifts can make a profound difference.
Lowering neuroticism can reduce anxiety and depression. Increasing conscientiousness often leads to better habits and improved career outcomes. Expanding extroversion helps us forge deeper relationships and find more joy in daily life.
Becoming “Me, But Better”
Olga set out to change her own tendencies by saying yes to uncomfortable experiences. From improv to meditation to joining new social groups, she tested whether acting like the person she wanted to become would eventually help her embody those traits.
The result was not only new behaviors but also a reshaped sense of identity. As she writes, “You do not have to become someone else. You just have to become you, but better.”
RESOURCES FROM THE SHOW WITH OLGA KHAZAN
Please note that some of the links on this page (books, movies, music, etc.) lead to affiliate programs for which The Passion Struck podcast receives compensation. It’s just one of the ways we keep the lights on around here. Thank you so much for being so supportive!
- Olga Khazan’s Website
- Olga’s Instagram
- Read Olga’s work at The Atlantic
- BUY Olga Khazan’s book ‘Me, But Better’
- *Free companion tools on The Ignited Life (Substack): theignitedlife.net
- *Passion Struck Network: creator-first shows built around mattering, not metrics—passionstrucknetwork.com
- *Apparel with a message: StartMattering.com — “You Matter. Live Like It.”
- Learn more about me: https://johnrmiles.com.
About Today’s Guest, Olga Khazan
Olga Khazan is a staff writer for The Atlantic and the author of Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change. She is also the author of Weird: The Power of Being an Outsider in an Insider World. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, and Forbes.
Olga has received two International Reporting Project Journalism Fellowships and won the 2017 National Headliner Award for Magazine Online Writing. Her work blends investigative depth with human insight, focusing on health, science, and the psychology of identity. She also writes a Substack dedicated to personality change, where she explores the science of how people can reshape their traits and create more fulfilling lives.
Next Steps
You can listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, Google Podcasts, or YouTube. Don’t forget to explore our Passion Struck Starter Packs on Spotify for curated playlists that will help you dive deeper into topics like anxiety relief, resilience, and mental health mastery.
If this conversation with Olga Khazan resonated with you, please share it with a friend, leave a review, or post a screenshot on Instagram and tag me @john_r_miles. Your support helps bring these life-changing conversations to more people who need them.
Stop existing. Start mattering.