In episode 669 of Passion Struck, John Miles guides you through how to build belonging using a simple yet powerful framework he developed, called BELONG. This framework offers six choices that help you reclaim your identity, stop performing for approval, and create a life of purpose.
Most of us spend much of our lives trying to fit in, smoothing our edges, editing our quirks, and becoming who the world wants us to be. But fitting in isnโt the same as belonging.
Belonging is about coming home to yourself and then building spaces where others can do the same. It is about creating deep connection and living a life that feels both meaningful and aligned.
Want to learn the 12 philosophies that the most successful people use to create a limitless life? Order John R. Milesโs new book, Passion Struck: Twelve Powerful Principles to Unlock Your Purpose and Ignite Your Most Intentional Life.
How to Build Belonging: The Six Choices of BELONG
The BELONG framework emerged from hundreds of interviews John conducted with leading thinkers, including neuroscientists and psychologists such as Lisa Miller and Rick Hanson, as well as researchers like Amy Edmondson, Charles Duhigg, and Jamil Zaki. Across every conversation, six common threads appeared whenever someone described a breakthrough moment of connection or a time they finally felt seen.
Here is how to build belonging using the six choices of BELONG:
Belief: Rewrite Your Story
Belonging begins with belief. The beliefs you hold about yourself shape how you show up in every room. Challenge inherited scripts such as โIโm not a leader,โ โIโm too much,โ or โI donโt belong here,โ and choose new ones that align with who you are becoming.
Empathy: See Yourself and Others Clearly
Empathy is the bridge between isolation and connection. Practice โconversation matching,โ meeting others where they are emotionally, practically, or socially, and extend the same curiosity and understanding to yourself.
Love: Stop Rejecting Yourself
Self-love is essential to building belonging. Until you stop abandoning yourself in the pursuit of approval, you will always feel on the outside. Replace one self-critical thought with a compassionate one this week.
Openness: Choose to Be Seen
Belonging grows in visibility. Vulnerability is the courage to say, โThis is who I am. This is what I fear.โ When you hide, you may fit in, but you never truly connect.
Nurture: Build Safe Spaces
True belonging is not just about finding spaces that welcome you; it’s about embracing the spaces that truly accept you. It is about creating them for others. Invite the quiet voice into the conversation. Affirm someone who feels invisible. Be a culture shaper.
Growth: Keep Evolving
Belonging is not static. It evolves as you do. The spaces you belonged to five years ago may no longer be a fit. Continue building a sense of belonging by seeking communities, work, and relationships that evolve with you.
Why Belonging Matters
Belonging is not just nice to have; it is a basic human need. Research indicates that individuals with a strong sense of belonging tend to experience lower stress, improved health, and greater life satisfaction.
And yet, we live in a time of unprecedented loneliness. One in five U.S. adults reports feeling lonely every day. The U.S. Surgeon General has even declared loneliness a public health epidemic.
If we do not learn how to build belonging, we risk more than disconnection. We risk losing ourselves.
How to Practice Belonging Every Day
Once you know how to build belonging, the key is consistent practice.
- Choose one BELONG value each week and focus on it daily.
- Journal about where you feel most yourself and where you feel you are performing.
- Invite others into your circle. Small acts of empathy, openness, and nurture compound over time.
Each action is like laying another plank on the bridge, a bridge that leads to a more connected, purpose-driven life.
Final Thoughts: Building Belonging Builds Purpose
Learning how to build belonging is not just about connection; it is about coherence. It is about aligning who you are with how you live, so you can belong to yourself first, and then to the communities that matter most.
Go Deeper with Episode 669 of Passion Struck
Want to explore this more deeply?
Download the companion workbook to start applying the C.H.O.I.C.E. principles in your own life.
โ Get it at TheIgnitedLife.net
Explore the Start Mattering collection โ wearable reminders that your choices matter.
โ StartMattering.com
Legacy isnโt what you leave behind. Itโs the bridge you build โ step by step, choice by choice โ for others to walk across.
Start building yours today.