What if the key to healing anxiety, easing perfectionism, and building resilience isn’t working harder—but being truly seen? In this episode of Passion Struck, I sit down with Dr. Caroline Fleck—clinical psychologist, researcher, and author of Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life—to uncover why validation is far more than comfort. It’s proof that we matter.
Caroline explains how a lack of validation fuels self-doubt, burnout, and disconnection, and why learning to validate ourselves and others can transform not only our relationships but also our sense of worth and purpose.
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“I hope readers finish my book feeling genuinely validated—that their pain is real, and that they now have a language for seeing and being seen.”
dr. caroline fleck
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How Validation Heals Anxiety, Perfectionism, and Burnout | Caroline Fleck
What does it mean to feel truly seen? In this thought-provoking conversation, Dr. Caroline Fleck takes us beyond the buzzwords and into the science and practice of validation. Known for her previous work, The Shadow Work Journal: A Guide to Integrate and Transcend Your Shadows,
Caroline now shares how her personal battles with depression, cancer, and multiple sclerosis shaped her understanding of resilience, mattering, and connection. Together, we explore how validation transforms suffering into strength, how it differs from praise, and why it is foundational to trust, belonging, and influence.
In This Episode You’ll Learn:
- Validation is not praise — it’s recognition that your inner experience is real and meaningful.
- Invisible pain matters — depression and MS showed Caroline how misunderstood illnesses reveal a deep need for validation.
- Suffering can serve — personal struggles, when met with validation, become tools to help others heal.
- Relationships deepen with validation — true love requires acceptance of the whole self, not just the curated version we show the world.
- Small acts create big shifts — even watering a plant or offering a smile can redirect pain into purpose.
WHY IS THIS EPISODE A MUST-LISTEN?
Because validation touches every corner of our lives. From how we lead teams, to how we love our partners, to how we parent our children, validation is the unseen force that builds resilience, belonging, and trust. Caroline’s journey and insights reveal how embracing validation can dismantle self-doubt, bridge disconnection, and unlock the courage to live more authentically. Whether you’re facing burnout, struggling with relationships, or longing for a deeper sense of mattering, this episode offers practical wisdom and hope.
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Validation, Love, and the Power of Mattering
One of the most striking themes from my conversation with Dr. Caroline Fleck is the role validation plays in shaping love and belonging. As she explained, love without validation is incomplete—it can feel hollow, even when affection and care are present. Many of us learn to hide the parts of ourselves we fear will be rejected: depression, insecurity, shame, or struggle. When others “love” us while only seeing our curated façade, the connection lacks depth. What heals, Caroline emphasized, is when those parts we disdain are accepted as lovable too. That is when love becomes transformative, not just comforting.
Caroline’s insights connect directly to the broader theme of mattering. At its core, mattering is the belief that we are seen, valued, and significant. It is not simply about being noticed, but about being accepted as we are. In the episode, she noted how pervasive invalidation—whether through dismissive comments, neglect, or societal pressures—creates a crisis of mattering. Without validation, people are left believing they don’t count, their experiences don’t matter, and they themselves are unworthy of connection. This can fuel depression, anxiety, and a sense of profound isolation.
Her perspective aligns closely with research on belonging and psychological safety: validation communicates acceptance, which in turn nurtures trust and intimacy. It is in those validating moments—when someone says, “I see you, I hear you, and what you’re experiencing is real”—that we not only feel loved but also that we truly matter.
As Caroline writes in her book Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life, validation is not about praise or approval; it’s about recognizing the truth of another person’s experience. In relationships, this means shifting from judgment to empathy, from ignoring to noticing, from dismissing to embracing. It is this shift that closes the gap between invisibility and significance, reminding us that mattering is not a luxury but a fundamental human need.
Thanks, Dr. Caroline Fleck
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RESOURCES FROM THE SHOW WITH CAROLINE FLECK
Please note that some of the links on this page (books, movies, music, etc.) lead to affiliate programs for which The Passion Struck podcast receives compensation. It’s just one of the ways we keep the lights on around here. Thank you so much for being so supportive!
- Dr. Caroline Fleck’s Website
- Dr. Fleck’s Instagram
- Dr. Fleck’s LinkedIn
- BUY Dr. Fleck’s Book, ‘Validation’
- APA’s recognition of mattering as critical to child mental health
- Passion Struck Core Value System: https://passionstruck.com/the-passion-struck-core-belief-system/
- Listen to Passion Struck’s interviews with New York Times bestselling authors Gretchen Rubin and Seth Godin.
- Check out Passion Struck’s Episode Starter Packs on Spotify or Passion Struck starter packs to get started with the podcast.
About Today’s Guest, Dr. Caroline Fleck
Dr. Caroline Fleck is a licensed psychologist, researcher, and author of Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life. A world-renowned expert on validation, she has trained and consulted at leading institutions, including Stanford Medical Center, the University of Washington, and the VA Palo Alto.
Her corporate work focuses on building high-performing individuals and teams through evidence-based behavioral science, and she has designed programs for Fortune 500 companies while coaching top executives. In her private practice,
Dr. Fleck specializes in DBT, CBT, and Gottman Method Couples Therapy, guiding clients toward resilience, connection, and self-worth. Her insights have been featured in The New York Times, Good Morning America, and HuffPost, establishing her as a trusted voice on mental health, relationships, and the science of belonging.
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